This is the Book about which there is no doubt, a guidance for those conscious of Allah” {Qur’an; 2:2} As another Ramadan draws to an end we may suddenly fall into the ‘Post-Ramadan-Blues’. We have barely broken our final fast that we start to moan and ‘Oh I feel sad and upset’. But isn’t Eid a gift from Allah? And should we not be grateful to Allah for this Day? And should we not look forward to the celebration? We seem to give more weight and precedence to other celebrations in our lives – whether that is a birthday, wedding, new born, graduation, new job, new house [insert the special moment you like to celebrate] and yet as soon as maghrib adhan is called on the final fast we seem to get the ‘Blues’. Our religion Islam is not about getting the blues or being in a negative state! Yes, things happen, we fall, cry, make up, break up and cry a little more – but does life end here? Maybe you have been through some of the above so you can relate – because I sure have been through a good few of those myself. You may be feeling blue because you feel you didn't do enough – and you feel you should have done more. Listen, you did as much as you could in your circumstance and honestly instead of worrying how little you did now – as Ramadan is over – make continuous dua that the little you did Allah accepts it. I pray that Allah accepts it from you and me. You may be wondering how I can sound so cold or be so direct about it. You may be thinking ‘Does she think she is better than the rest and all her deeds are accepted’ and the answer to your wonderings is ‘Absolutely NO!’. I too am sad that Ramadan is leaving and I too wish I could do more – however when we get into this type of negative rhetorical we fall downwards and downwards. We just got blessed with such a beautiful month and we are already being ungrateful for that by being blue? I mean we can at least read some voluntary nafl for gratefulness right? Or even some voluntary nafl to ask Allah to accept our deeds and allow us to continue right? Here’s the thing. Well, two things. Firstly we get hooked up on to the blues. We listen to and read about what everyone else is saying [think social media – the F word!] and then we may feel we have to feel the same way – so we put ourselves into that state and we become blue and start talking blue. It’s all in the mind we are the ones who are thinking what we are thinking. The Lord of Ramadan is still our Lord outside of Ramadan and how many more opportunities does He (swt) bless us with throughout the year which also have extra reward? Exactly! [Get pen and paper and list them please]. Secondly once we get ourselves onto the blue-downward-ride we seem to go round and round. We keep thinking we didn’t do enough – we keep thinking we should have done more – we keep thinking everything is over. But here’s the deal (halaal deal) – it’s not over! It’s not over until we are 9 feet under! So do yourselves a favour right now and snap out of it! I’ll be right here when you’re ready to continue and please only 5 minutes ok? Good! ……….waiting Back? Awesome! “I am as My servant’s opinion of Me.” (Bukhari) Think good of Allah as He is our Creator and He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. Seriously, if we think negative – negative will happen. We need to watch what we say to ourselves. We need to purify our intention and sincerity. Energy flows where intention goes. Think positive of Allah – there is no need whatsoever to think negative of Him. I mean, this is a whole topic in and of itself however just for now know that if you are reading this then #1 you are alive, #2 you are more blessed that those in places such as Syria and Palestine right now and #3 There is ALWAYS hope – ALWAYS! So take a deep breath in – hold – release and say ‘THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE’. And now, let me ask you – and this is purely reflectional for you as it is for me – if Ramadan is the month of the Qur’an then how much did you and I read, recite and study the tafsir? And before you slip to the blues again – think RED – (it’s my favourite colour) You know by now that I’m all about self-help (i.e. as Allah says He will not change our condition until we first take that step, right) and I’m a personal development junkie. And if you’re reading this right now then that means you are someone who wants to make positive changes in your life starting right now and prepare for your best akhirah insha’Allah. See Ramadan may have left us but we shouldn't leave it or our ibaadah – worship – from this month. *Re-read that sentence and reflect on it for a moment* This is what the blues does to us – it makes us lose hope! Did you know that the Qur’an and the Bible are known to be the #1 self-help books? Shocked? And you thought that the dude or dudess who got onto the New York #1 bestseller list had all the answers for you. Nope! And just before I continue, yes do read self-help and personal development books, because I do and I write on personal development. However if you have noticed then you would have noticed that my message is primarily based upon firstly the Qur’an and Sunnah and then everyday life. Now what this means for us is that Ramadan may have left us for another year – and may Allah bless us with another Ramadan insha’Allah [kul – ameen!] however it has left you and I with a gift – the gift that it came to remind us about – the gift that we've already got on our shelf – the Qur’an. If you are someone who wants to live a life upon the deen and prepare for your best akhirah then right now know that Ramadan came to remind you of a gift you already have which you may not connect with too often around the year. Now, dearest soul, is the time to hold on tightly to this gift! Do not fall into the shaytaan trap of the blues. Listen – it is ok to miss Ramadan and the unity it brings and the tarawih prayers and the sisterhood/brotherhood – I get it. But don’t let it leave now. It leaves when we hit the downward. So grab your Qur’an and be thankful to Allah that you have the best and #1 self-help book right with you. In fact it is your ULTIMATE self-help book and with it in your life you can never go wrong. We make a dua in Surah Fatiha where we ask Allah (swt) to guide us on the ‘Straight Path’ and subhan’Allah – look at the power of our dua – Allah (swt) answers it instantaneously in the next following Surah where He (swt) says that THIS BOOK (the Qur’an) is a GUIDANCE for those who are conscious of Allah – aware of Him – fear Him – love Him – want His forgiveness and mercy – this book has the answers! I invite you to embrace it and promise to read, study and live by it insha’Allah. I’ll show you how in the tips and action points below. But just before I get there I want to say a big phat EID MABROOK to you and your family from me and my family – taqabbal Allahu minna wa minkum - may Allah accept it from you and us – [ameen!] You may not understand everything the Qur’an is saying at the moment – but that is ok because that will change – remember ‘Hope’. Also the thing is that because we are so accustomed to getting advice and help from elsewhere (friends, social media, etc) we can’t seem to connect to the concept that the Qur’an has all the answers for us. But all we need to do is look at the Seerah of Rasool Allah and we will come to know that yes the Qur’an does have all the answers for me as Aisha (RA) said that Rasool Allah was the ‘walking Qur’an’ – as he was the Qur’an translated into action. Tips and Action Points: 1. Believe! - Believe in Allah’s mercy, in His forgiveness – believe that when you ask Him to guide you and straighten your affairs He (swt) will. Nothing is more powerful in life than belief – and nothing is more powerful than believing that Allah (swt) will make it alright and He (swt) will show you the way. - If you’re having the doubts then firstly know it is waswasa from shaytaan and his job is to lead us off course and secondly think of all the times that Allah helped you (specifically where something major was happening and you called out to Him – we’ve all had that moment in our lives). - Purify your intention and sincerity – these two are really important for us in all that we do – so let’s make it a habit to purify them at each step insha’Allah. 2. Make a Qur’an Plan - Just like a ‘To-Do’ list or scheduling your diary make a plan for your Qur’an. So in this plan you will write how much you will recite each day, what times, for how long and when will you study the tafsir, attend Qur’an courses (including hifz and tajweed) and what resources you will use. Some of the resources you could use are online YouTube videos (Like Qur’an Weekly Ramadan Gems - if you haven’t already then I highly recommend you watch them all – 30 short 5 to 10 min videos) books, getting teachers (maybe private teachers). There are a lot of resources available to us – you have to be curious enough to do your own research – that is your study part – you can’t expect anyone to do it for you. Also in this plan you could include Family Qur’an Time – especially if you have younger siblings or children – this is the best self-help start you can give your family insha’Allah. 3. Your Dream Team - Who is in your world? I.e. who are your friends? Time for a friend check-up! - You want a team who will help you realize not only your potential as a human and what you’re capable of achieving but also a team who loves Qur’an just as you do – for there is nothing worse than having those in your life who don’t share the same passions and who don’t love and appreciate the Qur’an and its message! - In this dream team you have your supporters, mentors and coaches. And you would be the same in someone else's dream team. We all need A* players in our world - on our side. Allah created us social beings and it is in social settings we thrive and excel. This dream team will be there to support you through all your ups and downs and will encourage you to excel. This special team is called ‘Qur’an Dream Team’. Go create yours right now insha’Allah. The Qur’an creates a special kind of connection with our Rabb Allah – He is speaking to us through the Qur’an and we need to make it our #1 Book in our life insha’Allah. I do hope and pray that this post today does help you in some way or another. Please leave me your comments and let me know what three things you will do right now to keep the Ramadan spirit alive and connecting with your very own #1 self-help book – the Qur’an! :)
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"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious." Albert Einstein I'm a bit like AE; 'Passionately Curious'. But you and I would agree that AE was talented indeed! You know, we're ALL talented and God has blessed us all with unique gifts. When we were little we believed in ourselves. We believed we were superheroes, created to save the world - here to make a difference - we believed we could fly and would prove it by jumping off the sofa, arms spread like wings and in our minds we were flying over mountains and hills and even tall buildings. We had hopes and wishes and dreams. 'What will you be when you grow up?' Would ask the adults and we would never hesitate to say 'An Astronaut' or 'A Teacher' or ['Insert what you said here']. And this was all when we were age 10 and under. So, what happened? How did our imagination suddenly go into early retirement and when did we start not believing in our dreams? I believe this starts happening when we start secondary school at age 11 (UK system) and we get focused on school studies. Play is only at gym time and its pretty controlled. I mean you can't run around the gym hall pretending you're a superhero and that you can fly - you'd instantaneously be outcasted and declared the official class weirdo! But I like weird - and I think I'm pretty weird and NO I didn't run around gym hall thinking I was a superhero! I went to school too AND I guess I was conditioned in the whole schooling system to stop believing in my dreams. By the way - this post is NOT to undermine our schooling system - I shall leave that for some academic paper lol! What happens when we stop believing in ourselves? We don't achieve and start to live a mediocre life. But you know something - if you've hit a certain stage and age in life (late 20's onwards) then I would strongly suggest that NOW is the time to stop and quit the excuses and to start believing again. And believe me - I had to do that again! It was PAINFUL! And if you're in your early years then please DO NOT give up on your dreams! The thing is - Islam teaches us to have faith and hope and believe in ourselves. I mean Allah (swt) does say in the Qur'an that He most certainly will help us IF we take that all important step in helping ourselves. You know, our pious predecessors achieved so much with so little and today you and I have so much but we waste it all - and usually on social media! (Yeah facebook). They believed and had hope and faith! And guess what? They achieved! The thing is we are all talk and no action and our actions are little and we believe we can't achieve. When a fellow being believes and tries to achieve, we call them arrogant - not realising that in fact they are actually being assertive AND proactive. We don't support each other! We need to change that right now - you and I and start to believe again. Yes, there will be the down days - I have them too - but we have to pull ourselves out of that rut. I Am! This is your new mantra from today onwards. I Am! And with that add all the positive things you are and want to be. Even if it sounds fake - do it now - its just your subconscious which is trying to keep you stuck in a rut - and trust me - you don't gotta be in that rut no more. By declaring 'I Am!' You are being assertive - not arrogant nor haughty. No, you are simply claiming back your rights of being positive again and believing in your dreams again. Just the way we believe and have hope in God - we need to believe and have hope in all the skills, abilities and talents He (swt) has blessed us with. Look what the Qur'an tells us and what we need to aspire towards. "The truthful men and the truthful women, the patient men and the patient women, the humble men and the humble women, the charitable men and the charitable women, the fasting men and the fasting women, the men who guard their chastity and the women who guard their chastity, the men who remember Allah much and the women who remember Allah much - for all these Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward." {Qur'an 33:35} Subhan'Allah! Amazing or what?! And before you say; 'Oh but...' No Buts!!! We are a working progress and each day we work towards achieving and becoming this female or male. You can be a King or Queen and still be spiritual and upon the deen. Its all about balance. You're a King and Queen of your world, of your families, of your lives. You're worth it! God created you for greatness, so isn't it time YOU stepped into YOUR greatness? I mean, didn't you grow up looking up to your parents and believing that they were your superheroes? And didn't you secretly wish you could be just like them when you grew up? And what if you have younger siblings or children? Don't you want to set the best example for them? Is it going to be you they look up to or the next teen pop sensation? Exactly! You decide right now. Abdullah bin Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of the people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects: a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for his subjects, a woman is the guardian of her husband's home and of his children and is responsible for them, and the slave of a man is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for it. Surely, everyone of you is a shepherd and responsible for his flock." [Bukhari & Muslim] But I also have a feeling deep within that you did want positive role models in your life and you do want to be a role model for someone else in your life. So, right now, I invite you to give yourself permission to be the best role model for yourself. Become the better version of you. Learn from your mistakes. In fact our mistakes are life lessons for us, full of wisdom. Say; 'I Am!' Take this verse as an inspiration and motivation to act now. "The servants of the Beneficent (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility." {Qur'an; partial; 25:63} You too can walk on this Earth in humility and excel in your field. You are created for greatness. You too can dream and achieve. Check out today's tips and action points on how to 'Unleash the I Am within YOU!' Tips and Action Points: 1. Grab pen and paper and write all your achievements to date. I don't care how long ago it was or what it was write it down right now. - Reflect on your achievements, give shukr to Allah as He (swt) helped you achieve and think of what you want to achieve now insha'Allah. Make a plan. 2. Create a 'Dream Team!' - This is your own personal team of all A* players ie supporters - who will support you in your dreams and ambitions. - Become part of someone else's active 'Dream Team' and support them to achieve. 3. Forward this post to at least one person in your life right now - trust me, this one act will have a ripple effect and you might just save a soul today! :) And finally, here's some inspiration for you to help you believe in you again. Leave me a comment and let me know how YOU will 'Unleash the 'I Am!' within YOU!' :) George Bernard Shaw was asked on his deathbed "What would you do if you could live your life again?" He reflected and replied with a deep sigh "I'd be the person I could have been but never was." Ever been worried silly about something that you pulled half your hair out and then everything was suddenly okay?! That's what worrying can do sometimes - make us half bald! And no one likes to be bald! Well, unless you're a male whose reading this then you might like the baldilocks looks but us females like a head full of hair! Anyways... Worrying about something you have no control over is actually wasting the precious moments we have in life. We need to start controlling our thoughts - if we control our thoughts we can change our state. Its pretty simple but we humans do like to make things difficult for ourselves. Sometimes we worry about things way in the past like decades ago which have long gone yet we repeat them in our mind again and again. That's self-sabotage (and there's a post already written and dedicated to that - do have a read). We worry out of fear - fear of the unknown - not knowing the outcome of something. We may worry about the events in the future. Here's a clue - its the future - it hasn't happened yet, so why are you working yourself up for? This kind of worrying only makes things worse and can have adverse affects on our health. Not to mention that a job you could do well you might end up doing pretty badly just because you built up all that unnecessary worry. "Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength - carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength." Corrie ten Boom Then there's the immediate type of worry - the hear and now - this moment - something that's just happened. But because we've already overloaded our mind with past worries and future worries we can't focus on the issue at hand and we get overly emotional and mess up! (Note: emotions are good if we learn to balance them). So the question is; 'What are you worrying about?' Is it the past which you now need to heal and lay to rest or is it the future which you need to prepare for? Here's another clue - now is when you deal with both. This moment is when you finally heal the past, lay it to rest and release it. And this moment is where you prepare and plan for the future - write a step by step action point list of what needs to be done (if its an event or something you are organising or working towards completing exams, assignments etc). Are you still following me right here right in the now? Good. Alhamdulilah. Uthman Ibn Affan said: "Worrying about this duniya is a darkness in the heart and worrying about the akhirah is a light in the heart." Would you like some heart therapy right now? Would you like some light to enter your heart right now? God is Light! :) *Take a deep breath in - hold - and breathe out. Do this three times - each time relaxing each muscle in your body from head to toe and releasing all worries. Let them fall away from you as leaves fall from the trees now. That's right. Be in the now. Feel your body being relaxed to the core and feel the calmness enter your soul. Allow and give permission for light to enter your heart now.* Eyes open please. Thank you. (Well if you had your eyes closed that is). What's your favourite dish? Well, mines anything that tastes good, really ;) Now here's a dua for you to read insha'Allah. The Prophet (pbuh) said; 'Whoever is afflicted with grief and distress should recite the following dua'; "O Allah, I am your slave, the son of your slave. My forelock is in Your Hand. Your judgment of me is inescapable. Your trial of me is just. I am invoking You by all the names that You call Yourself, that You have taught to anyone in Your creation, that You have mentioned in Your Book, or that You have kept unknown. Let the Qur'an be delight of my heart, the light of my chest, the remover of my sadness and the pacifier of my worries." (Source: Musnad Ahmad # 1/391) I know what you're thinking; 'Nadia - good stuff - however you don't know me, my life, my struggles, my worries or what I'm going through - easy said than done!' OK, so I don't know you personally. But guess what? I'm also human who has human issues and human emotions and issues. I may not know or feel what you're personally worrying about but I've had my share of past worries, future worries and present worries. And what did they do? Rob me off my time and my 'this moment' and who was responsible for that? Yup, me! The thing is, if we want to reduce our worries then we need to become responsible for our lives. That's what I'm all about and that reflects in my work and the message I want to give to everyone. If we want to make positive changes in our life then we have to take responsibility for our life. We can't go a life through blaming others. Enough is enough! You were created for greatness and you too can live your best life - if you give yourself permission and allow yourself to be you. Worrying unnecessarily has never helped anyone in life but made things worse. Are you ready to take action? Yes? Excellent! Read on for today's tips and action points and insha'Allah you'll be soon saying; 'Why worry about it?' :) (If no then please go back to the top and read this post again!) "So do not lose heart nor fall into despair; for you must gain mastery if you are true in faith." {Qur'an 3:139) Time to gain mastery over your life. Grab your journal and pencil/pen. Bismillah. Tips and Action Points: 1. Identify your worries: - Are they past, present or future? - What exactly is it that is worrying you about that specific situation? - Are these worries for real and have real immediate consequences or just thoughts you've thought up? - What three steps can you take immediately to reduce and eliminate these worries now? 2. Dua and Visualise: - Remember the dua and exercise we did five minutes ago (if you've already forgotten scroll up) - do that exercise again and recite that dua frequently and especially after your salah (prayers). - Never miss your daily Salah, Qur'an, Dhikr, Tasbee (and dua). Don't let any excuse come between you and your ibaadah - your connection with your Creator - never! 3. Check your Thoughts: - How are you spending your time daily? (Especially your alone time). What are you thinking? How does it make you feel? - If you answered in the negative then now is the time to change it into the positive. That's right. Now is the time to gain mastery over your thoughts insha'Allah. - Get some new hobbies to occupy your free time. Get active in life. Start to journal your thoughts and to see if they actually have any real ground (usually they don't - they are just like weeds growing uncontrollably in your mind) and what steps you need to take to deal with them. - Realise right now that you HAVE control over your thoughts. Your thoughts will determine your state, mood, body posture, emotions. As soon as you get the worrisome weedy thought snap yourself out of it. Try it now. You can do it. If I can then so can you! Remember no one else is responsible for the weeds that grow in our mind except us. No one said it would be easy and it won't be easy at the start. You may start and stop and even feel like giving up. The key is to never give up and to never lose hope in Allah's mercy and help. Take action now and get rid off those worries insha'Allah. Comment below and let me know your 'thoughts' on this post. Let's become an active community who helps each other. You never know who you might inspire and motivate with your words! :) Have you ever kept a secret from someone (parents, siblings, friends, spouse, authority)? How did it make you feel? Are you keeping a secret right now? How does it make you feel? Do you have that uneasy feeling inside? Like a gazilion butterflies in your tummy flapping their wings away, a sudden hot flush and rush in your body? Yeah we've all been there (yes, me too!) And we've all kept a secret or currently keeping one. But why do we torture ourselves like this and spend day in day out like we're guilty of a crime and too scared to get caught? Because we'll have to come clean and do the time? Why can't we live happily without secrets? Keeping secrets can be psychologically damaging for our soul - seriously! There are two types of secret-keeping. The Good and The Detrimental. When does secret-keeping start? Well, it starts at age 4/5 as we want to keep secrets from our parents - its a type of transition for human beings. You know we as humans are always evolving and each age range signifies a specific growth period within us. In adulthood secrets can become a powerhouse where they start controlling you rather than you controlling them! Secrets could be due to shame, guilt and fear - for whatever has or is happening. Again these are psychological that are torturing us from within and become controlling. Your every move could be determined by the secret. Another type of 'secret- keeping' are those secrets that we keep from ourselves. This means not admitting to ourself why we have such feelings or why we do what we do. It becomes a vicious cycle and it leads to pain and hurt as well as ailments and illnesses. In these instances one would need professional help and one should seek it as its one of the ways forward insha'Allah. Secrets could be kept by children - especially in cases of abuse - and if not dealt with in childhood can lead to self-doubt, low self-esteem and hiding behind a mask for many, many years. It could lead to the abused becoming an abuser. Keeping secrets could be kept by women and men suffering from domestic violence and the fear of others knowing. Again that vicious 'fear-shame-guilt' cycle. This secret-keeping can also be detrimental in all your relationships. Your relationship with Allah, with your loved ones, with your colleagues. Your worship is affected. Your work is affected. You're always uneasy and just can't get those negative thoughts out of your head. It can even make you severely depressed and stuck in further soul-hurting habits or make you bitter and competitive with anyone and everyone. I mean good competition is healthy in healthy bite size doses but competition where you always want to prove others wrong and become aggressive can also have deep, long term effects. On the other hand there is a, what I call, 'good secret'. This is a type of 'trust' between two people or a group of people for something 'good'. Abu Sa'id al-Khudri reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The worst of people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Rising is a man who goes to his wife or his wife goes to him and then he discloses her secret." [Muslim] From this hadith we can clearly see that if either spouse was to reveal the others secrets then it would destroy their relationship. In this case it is good to keep the others secret - and remember the bond between two of you is sacred. These secrets are an amanah - a trust and we must do our utmost to honour them insha'Allah. As they say if it couldn't stay in your tummy for long and you had to tell someone then that other person will do the same! *Breathe* So we've established that there's different types of secrets and some can be seriously harmful. What do we do about the harmful, detrimental ones and how do we move forward? We have to move forward - we can't stay stuck in this mud forever! Check out today's tips and points. They are meant to be as a 'guidance' and not to be treated as any form of 'legal or medical' advice. In cases where you feel you need professional help then please do so as help is available. Keep reading to find out more... Tips an Action Points: 1. The first thing is to reflect. Are your secrets a 'good' type or the 'detrimental' type? - If good then you know why you kept them - honour them! - If not good and they make you feel scared and threatened then you need to seek professional help insha'Allah. - Try and avoid secret-keeping situations - especially the detrimental ones and if it is safe for you to walk away from them (and you don't feel threatened) then walk away, please! 2. Taqwa - God Consciousness - being aware that God Almighty is watching our every move. If we keep secrets from our ownself then know that He (swt) knows - He (swt) knows what's in the breasts of men. Nothing is hidden from Him! - We have two angels on each of our shoulders recording every word and action. Keep a secret if you will but they are writing away and we will be accountable for them on the Last Day. "And indeed, [appointed] over you are keepers, noble and recording; they know whatever you do" {Al-Infitar; 10-12}. - How do you want to face God on the Last Day? - Are your secrets secretly eating your soul? 3. Get Creative! Depending upon your secret you could always journal about it and then burn it (if it is safe to do so). Or write them on a piece of paper and shred them or throw them away. Its a form of emotional release. - You could forgive the one who hurt your soul. And forgiveness is not to say that you condone their behaviour but a way for you to move forward. Think about it for a moment. They have long moved on and you're still suffering. Why? What purpose does it serve? Do you want to continue like this or finally be happy with you? 4. Its good to talk. If it is any form of abuse (that you're suffering as you read this) then seek professional help. Listen I know its scary but if you stay scared then you're hurting you even more. There's many organisations set up to help you and you can remain anonymous. - If its way past when and its still eating up inside then again seek professional help. There's nothing wrong with speaking to a counsellor. They will help you move forward. Trust me, you owe it to your own soul. 5. Dua - Supplication - to the Creator. He created us and He listens to us. Don't underestimate the power of direct dua to Allah. Talk to Him and He (swt) will help you and show you the light. Things happen in life. This life is a test and God does not burden a soul more than it can handle. There's a lesson to learn from it. The more angry or frustrated you get the more you're hurting yourself. Keep a secret where it is for the good and it is a trust and you know God will be proud of you for it. But where a secret is causing you pain, grief, heartache, illness - please seek professional advice. Why live this life of pain when you can deal with it and finally move forward? Look after yourself. Remember YOU'RE worth it! Oh and don't keep this post a secret - share it because it might just help someone out there insha'Allah :) So as soon as I asked you; 'Who's your frenemy' I bet you started going through a mental list of all your friends who you also call enemies or backstabbers, or heart stabbers, or soul stabbers or you even got a mental picture of them and your face all squinted up and you started getting angry and your breathing got fast? Or you started thinking; 'Am I a frenemy?' Or 'Do my friends think I'm a frenemy?' Right? Well stop! Because I'm not talking about your human friends here or you! Oh, and on a side note - betting is haraam! :) So take a deep breath in - hold - and breathe out...relax... NOW you're ready for today's post - bismillah! Today I'm going to talk about two best friends or best buddies who are in fact YOUR frenemies. They act like YOUR friends - give you a bit of instant soul therapy but in reality all they are doing is making you fall deeper into the ditches of despair. They may even give you the whole; 'So what, its my life, I do whatever I want' attitude and give you 'false' hope of there's nothing wrong and you're right. Well today, insha'Allah, you're gona boot them out of your life once and for all because they DO NOT serve YOU but are only here to harm you! Who are they? Neglect and Guilt - Your Frenemies. Take any situation in your life - ANY (if it is safe to do so) - what happens if you neglect to do whatever you were supposed to do? Yes, right, you feel guilty that you didn't do it. And then when you feel guilty, what happens? You fall into a ditch of despair. Your thoughts go crazy. You make mental images of what is, was, should be, will be. You start looking for excuses to back you up and you start making excuses. You continue and continue until you feel really low, depressed and give up. It could also be about something that we shouldn't do and we did knowing that we shouldn't and once the act is done we feel guilty and now feel there is no way out! Yet it could also be someone 'making' you feel neglectful about something through their words which makes you feel guilty about that situation. Been there? We all have! And its a nasty place to be in! Neglect and guilt cause a vicious cycle in our system. So when we become neglectful in our daily discipline (which could be in our ibaadah, work, study, habits etc) we become guilty - and guilt eats up the soul. Our conscious will start talking nonsense and those little green gremlins of negativity start telling us how bad we've been and start sneering at us. Then our subconscious kicks in and brings in ALL of the previous issues we've been through in life and uses them to justify our current thinking which again makes us fall deeper and deeper! Again its the same for something that we shouldn't do or have done. The same vicious cycle goes round and round making you feel like your a bad person and you feel trapped, alone and you think there is no way out. Neglect and Guilt are best buddies - the more they work together the more they eat up our soul and the more deeper we fall. The first thing we need to do to stop these frenemies ruining us is to recognise its happening. Once we do it becomes easier to apply a solution insha'Allah. "Seek the life to come by means of what God granted you, but do not neglect your rightful share in this world." (Qur'an, 28:77) Don't allow your thinking to eat you up because you are what YOU think you are. You can't expect someone else to come and fix you up - you have to take those steps yourself. You need to recognise if firstly it was neglect - whether it was intentional or unintentional or whether you just forgot. And for each situation its going to be different. So take your situation, be rational and think which category it falls under. Was it just plain laziness? Where you preoccupied with something else? Was there something else important at that time? Or did you know it was haraam? Is there something else happening deep in your soul so you're doing this act/behaviour (also known as self-sabotage). When it comes to our ibaadah - our daily worship - the rule is simple. Plan your day around your prayers and don't plan your prayers around your day. Nothing is more important than our prayers - they are compulsory and form a basis for our life on earth. "Do not deliberately neglect to observe a prescribed prayer for he who neglects the prescribed prayer deliberately will become out of the protection of Allah." (Hadith - Ahmad) We know that Allah (swt) is most merciful and that He (swt) is always there for us. We need His protection in all that we say and do. Even when we commit a sin we need to turn back to Allah for protection. Check out today's tips and action points to help you make a fresh start in your life insha'Allah :) Tips and Action Points: a) Realise that positive change is a process - it takes time. Have you recognised it? Good! Now make a step by step plan and take one step at a time. If you fall again. Don't worry. Get back up again and start over. You get reward for that also. You're a human being and humans fall. Its ok to be human. b) Tauba and istighfar. Do not overlook these - because these are your friends and they are a protection with Allah. These help you get real about your specific situation and help you make that fresh start insha'Allah and then remember to add in dua here - because dua is the weapon of the believer - do not be without it! Become a Dua-Samuri! c) Talk to friends - get a coach/mentor/counsellor - basically its good to talk to a trusted and 'I've-also-been-there' human. Talk it out and make a plan together insha'Allah. Its important for the new process of change and you'll realise that you're not alone in this world - there's hope. I hope this post helped you recognise your internal, psychological frenemies. They actually do more harm than you're human frenemies and once you work on your internal state the external will also start to become better insha'Allah. This post is deep so please read it again and again. I've just covered the surface of it. If you need to seek further and professional help then please do so. Let this post be a reminder for us all insha'Allah. ...Whose the fairest of them all? Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs! What a fairy tale, eh?! I grew up on all these Disney fairy tales and all things Disney. I had the entire book collection and I guess Snow White was my favourite (as was Cinderella and Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty and you know the rest...). But today's post is not about my childhood Disney love it's about...YOU. I want to ask you a question. Do YOU love yourself? You do? Ok cool, excellent. So why do you love yourself? And if you just said no then why don't you love yourself? If you said something like, 'I love myself because I'm beautiful and everyone tells me I'm beautiful' - then I'm sorry to say so dear, that's not quite the answer I was looking for. (And there's nothing wrong with you being beautiful or someone telling you that you are beautiful - that's cool!) If you said something like, 'I don't love myself because I'm _________ (insert self sabotaging words) and everyone says I'm ugly' then dearest you too, that's not what I wanted to hear. See, the reason why I ask you this question is because I want to know what's your perception or definition of love for yourself or self-love. So if someone tells you that you're beautiful is that the only reason to love yourself? And if someone says you're ugly or YOU look in the mirror and 'see' ugly because of x, y, z feature which is not what you want then is that really a reason not to love yourself? What do YOU see when you look in the mirror? And why are you waiting for someone else's validation of you? Did your fellow being create you? *Just checking!* Ok, so I know, I know - don't scream at me or the screen - its nice when someone acknowledges us and tells us we are beautiful because it really lifts us up - high in the sky. But this high is not a forever high! "To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself." Thich Nhat Take the story of the queen in Snow White. When she asked the mirror who the fairest one was the jeany beany in the mirror was forced to say 'You Oh Queen' (or something like that - I haven't watched or read Snow White in decades) and then the queen was happy. She had to be validated by someone (or something) to accept herself. But as soon as Snow White stepped up onto the scene it was a whole different ball game! We spend too much of our valuable time looking for validation from others. Yes both females and males! Yet we don't really accept ourselves. Its only when we finally accept ourselves with all our flaws and warts and whatever is when we finally become liberated or free. "You say that you are just a body, but inside of you is something greater than the Universe." Imam Shafi (rahimullah) I know I've quoted this quote many times in the posts before but honestly it really touches me to the core...deeply. And you know I'm all about 'Soulful Therapy'. We spend all that time caring and looking after our external selves that we forget our internalness. The queen in Snow White may have been 'beautiful' on the outside but on the inside she was EVIL, NASTY and MEAN! (She was nasty...!) Allah (swt) does not look towards our bodies, nor towards our appearances but towards our heart. (Hadith Muslim) The thing is that - even though Allah (swt) created our bodies and our beauty - our external - what He (swt) is looking at is our internal state - our heart - and then our deeds. I say heart first because we know (Islam teaches us) that actions come from intentions. And so where are our intentions formed? Yes, exactly - internal - the heart! We can pretend as much as we want and fool as many as we want to but God knows our internal state - He (swt) knows the state of our hearts. Let's fix up now insha'Allah. On the other hand we have the issue where we want others to love us yet we fail to love ourselves! Why? Its not arrogance to love oneself but its about accepting YOU as you ARE! Stop hurting your own self and not loving yourself. You have to love yourself first to love others. Its the only way! Otherwise you'll spend a life of sadness, misery and always looking for validation. The next person who is always validating you has their own issues to deal with. Enough is enough! Time to love ourselves again. Starting right NOW! Give yourself permission - it is ok and safe to do so - and bismillah. Tips and Action Points: 1. Take a deep breath in, hold and on the exhale release all negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself (or what others have said about you). ---> Do this three times until you're in a relaxed state. ---> Feel that burden being lifted off from you and feel all the negativity fall away like leaves fall from the trees on a windy day. 2. Write down all the negative words which are hurtful and others have said and then trash it in the bin! ---> Take another three deep breaths and this time inhale and exhale both happy and positive words that YOU would use to describe YOU. ---> Write down a positive and true statement about yourself. ---> And YES there is a positive statement about you! ---> Remember before you began this task you gave yourself permission? ---> Write something like; 'I give myself permission to love myself and truly be me as God Almighty has created me in the best form to worship Him firstly and then achieve both greatness and goodness and I love myself alhamdulilah'. 3. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall... ---> Go to your favourite mirror in the house (yes the one that you have your imaginary conversations with about everything!). ---> Take your positive written. statement about yourself with you. ---> Before you look into the mirror say 'bismillah' and read the dua for looking into the mirror. اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ حَسَّنْتَ خَلْقِي فَحَسِّنْ خُلُقِي Allahumma anta hasanta khalqi fahassin khuluqi "O Allah, just as you have made my external features beautiful, make my character beautiful as well." (Kul: 'Ameen!') ---> Then look into your eyes - hold your gaze and accept yourself! Read your positive statement three times whilst holding your gaze. ---> Do this exercise once every day for the next seven days and see what happens insha'Allah. Once you get the confidence you can add to your statement or even look at your features and each time give thanks to Allah for creating you in the best form. Next time you can hold your gaze and give thanks for all the skills and abilities Allah has blessed you with. And the time after that you can be thankful for all that He (swt) has allowed you to be, do and have. The purpose is to become confident within and to accept who you are. There is something special and unique about YOU that God has created in YOU. Let me know how this exercise goes for you insha'Allah. Leave me comment and please share this post with everyone. I know this will help at least one soul you share it with. This exercise may be well out of your comfort zone or a little scary at first - I hear you - but if you don't try, you won't know. And remember, if you don't love yourself, then don't expect someone else to! Love YOU first! :) So in the last post we talked extensively about the heart and I guess its only fair we talk about the mind, right? :) The thing is that there is the brain and then there is the mind and since I'm not from the medical background and neither am I'm from the scholarly background nor a philosopher (although I study the Islamic Sciences and practise Alternative Medicine and have recently studied 'Introduction to Philosophy') I'm going to do what a lawyer does best (yes I'm a Legal Eagle - well a Paralegal to be precise) present facts from extensive research and study! Lol The Prophet (pbuh) said; "Take advantage of five matters before five other matters: your youth, before you become old; and your health, before you fall sick; and your richness, before you become poor; and your free time before you become busy; and your life, before your death." [al-Hakim] In this hadith the Prophet (pbuh) points out that we need to take care of our health before we fall sick. And we know that its when we fall sick - or extensively sick - that we start to appreciate life. As part of our health care we need to look after our brain AND mind. You know the big thing on top of our head - yup, that's the brain! So here's a quick biology lesson. The brain is the centre of the nervous system and its function is to exert centralised control over the other organs of the body. If we wanted to stick our tongue out to someone (which we shouldn't do!) what happens? Well yes you're right - the other person is not too happy and we'll be in trouble - but there's also another answer! Our body sends signals to our brain, which then sends signals back to our body telling it what to do. And this all happens in just a split second. Wow! Our brain is a very complicated organ (and they say females are complicated!). There are many parts of the brain that contribute to its functions. There are the two main cells called the glial cells, or nerve cell circuits, which help control the chemical balance of the brain (hormones). They also provide structural support for the neurons, which help the nervous system after injury, and supply chemicals that are needed for a healthy brain. The neurons are also known as the communicators and carry information and are both electrical and chemical. There are three parts to the brain. The Cerebrum - which is divided into two hemispheres - the Left Brain and the Right Brain and then each hemisphere divided into four sections - wow!). The left brain is all logical and numbery and the right brain is all creative (that's me!). The Cerebellum which is the part of the brain where the high level functions take place (*High Level*). The cerebellum controls our posture, balance, and co-ordination. It is divided into two different lobes which are connected by white fibres. The Brain Stem - which is located directly below the cerebellum - connects to the spinal cord. This is also the part of the brain where the vital functions occur. The lowest part of the brain is located in the brain stem. Within the brain are the important memory functions. There are different types of memory that remember certain things by the way they look, smell, feel, etc... *Phew!* Fascinating stuff! So what has this all gotta do with our health you ask? Well, (thank you for asking) we can see that the brain does some pretty darn cool and complicated stuff. It connects the rest of the body and organs and is a communicator between nerves. If for whatever reason something has gone wrong then the nerves won't be able to communicate and we won't be able to function correctly. I mean just image not been able to lift your finger to type an SMS message? That's like TORTURE, right? Do WE think about THAT? Nah ah! We being we - we just go along our daily life not worrying about this UNTIL something happens. Who controls the affairs of the heaven and the earth? Who knows how our system is functioning and making sure it remains functioning? Exactly! ALLAH! So which of our Lords favour can WE deny? *Reflection Moment* Right now just STOP reading and say 'Alhamdulilah wa Shukr Allah' and then come back... Ok, so how do we take care of our brain? I'll get to that in today's 'Tips and Action Points' but let's move on to our mind. Ooooooooh... Sooooo, what is the MIND? Wikipedia states that (sorry I was too lazy to grab the physical dictionary); 'A mind is the complex of cognitive faculties that enables consciousness, thinking, reasoning, perception, and judgement - a characteristic of human beings, but which also may apply to other life forms.' *DEEP!* So THIS is where the thinking process happens - hmmm! There is the conscious mind and the sub-conscious. The conscious mind is when you are in the NOW, in the MOMENT, when you are PRESENT. The sub-conscious is the one working over time in the background and has been there since our childhood. Here in the sub-conscious are our earliest belief systems and all those thoughts we hold which help us or hinder us in the NOW. Think 'I'm not good enough to launch a business because when I was little I was told women don't run businesses!' Or think' 'I'm afraid of spiders because when I was small I was told if I didn't sleep the spider would bite me!' Got the picture? Ahaan! That's your subconscious - always working over time - always the silent naysayer or silent cheerleader. What's yours like? Consciousness - being aware - is also linked to 'God-Consciousness' or as you may have heard 'Taqwa'. This is sooo cool because having taqwa means always being mindful and aware that Allah is watching and hearing ALL that we say and do so it keeps us in check - always. We need to be in THIS state - always. Ok, we need to try very hard to be in this state - I know its difficult - I hear you! The subconscious can sometimes sabotage us to such a state that we are always confused, not knowing what to do and what action to take. Yes we listen to our gut instincts (or we should) or listen to our heart but its the naysaysers from the subconscious that either hinder us or our cheerleader who cheer us on! That little voice inside of our head really needs to take a chill pill and let us get on with it. But before you say; 'I'm going outa my mind - it won't stop talking gobledeglook - help me!!!' - help is at hand - literally - keep reading to find out in today's tips and actions how we can take care of our brain AND mind!. Tips and Action Points: 1. The Brain: So what can you do to look after your brain? Many things insha'Allah. We need to protect our brain because any head injury - however small - can have fatal consequences. So if you do have a head injury then get to A&E quick and fast. You've seen how many neurons and chemicals are working up there and how it's connecting to the rest of the organs. So please watch how you go about your daily activities, ok? :) What else? Well the brain is a muscle and it needs daily exercise. Imagine if you stayed in bed all day and all night or sat in one place like forever - what would happen to your bones and muscles? Exactly! The brain is a muscle which needs daily exercise. Give it the right nutrients, the right food, challenge your brain - to read something new, to use your less dominant hand to brush your teeth. Also read and read a lot - varied stuff - not just your favourite novels. Mix with people - not to an extent where we start gossiping or backbitting - but be social and meet new people. Reduce your stress by doing fun activities - especially those you enjoyed as a child - yes even colouring! If you're feeling depressed then ask yourself what is making you feel like this? What has changed? Is the weather? Is it a break-up? Once you know then you'll be able to move forward and heal. But you have to figure out what and why it is first insha'Allah. Give your body an exercise so your brain has some new activity to play with and it stays vitalised and energised. Eat foods which increase and boost brain power - especially all the natural foods, fruits and nuts. 2. The Mind: You are what YOU think you are! So, what do YOU think you are? Think good about yourself. Don't wallow in sorrows of past sins - that's not being humble that's called self sabotage! Our deen Islam has taught us to seek forgiveness. So seek forgiveness - istigfaar and tauba - repentance - ask sincerely of Allah and He will forgive! Don't allow your kareen to waswasa you into doom and gloom - that's his job! You have to rise above it! And before you say that 'Our RasoolAllah used to ask forgiveness more than 70 times a day and his past and future sins were forgiven and so who am I to think I'm better etc'. Well, who asked you to? Not me! Yes there is an authentic hadith and yes he did seek forgiveness more than 70 times a day - so what's stopping YOU? Make it your daily routine - daily tasbee. But isn't there also an authentic hadith about a man praying all night and fasting all day and his wife complaining to RasoolAllah and then RasoolAllah saying that he is also a human, he sleeps and rests as well as prays and fasts and breaks fast and gives time to his family and society? Yes, exactly. Want to follow the Sunnah correctly - YOU CAN! What else? Recognise the little voice in your head. Is it your cheerleader or naysayer? Feed the one which will benefit. Our mind is like a computer - it only knows instructions. If you ask it; 'Why am I unsuccessful?' Then it will go look for all the answers to why you are unsuccessful. If you ask it; 'Why am I successful?' Then it will go and get you all the facts to tell you exactly why. So ask the right questions! Focus on what you want and not on what you don't want. We seem to all do this too often! Also - our subconscious or belief systems can be changed. Yes our mind can be rewired. And it all starts with YOU. Start talking to yourself like a best friend. Treat yourself good. Say positive statements and affirmation. YOU are in control of YOUR mind and insha'Allah as soon as YOU take control of and give permission to yourself to take control of it you'll see some positive changes! :) The key is to keep at it and stay consistent. Yes you will have a day where it will feel that everything has come crushing down. No worries. Pick yourself up. Think about it - you've just spent your entire life talking your mind into negative talk - it is going to take a little time to get back on the positive road and stay there. But YOU CAN DO IT! Yes you can! Start today - start right NOW! {I know this post has been way too long than intended - I guess there were two really important topics to cover. I hope you benefited from it as much as I enjoyed writing it and all praise is to Allah! :) } Ever had a heart and mind conflict? ...'But my Heart says one thing and my Mind says another!' That's what we always end up saying when we're trying to make a decision or thinking about some next steps in our life. We fail to see the heart and mind as two separate organs doing different things and functioning in different ways. Yes ultimately they are linked - the entire system is linked and that is why we are functioning properly. But there are some fundamental differences between the two. I know you Scientists are going to love this because I'm the Legal Eagle and I'm disregarding probably everything you've learnt at Med/Science School. Sorry folks! But y'all know I see things differently lol! ...The mind does what you tell it or ask it. It's like a computer. If you ask your mind; 'Why am I unsuccessful' then it will go and look for all the proof and answers to back up your question and tell you why you're unsuccessful. But if you ask; 'Why am I successful or how can I be more successful?' Then it will go and look for all the proofs to answer your question. Yes the mind is an organ which needs exercise. So please read, read a lot - daily - give it a mental training and sharpen it. It does come in handy with those questions and we do need it so look after your mind and feed it with nutrients - not junk! (I'm not disregarding it - I love the mind because its all about the subconscious, conscious, thoughts, belief systems etc!). But today we're talking just about the heart - its a complete different ball game. See the heart 'KNOWS!' It knows the answer deep within and it knows that we know! Yet we fail to listen to it. Why? Because we are human. Because we are afraid. Because we have fears. Because we don't want to fall or fail. The list goes on. But what we don't realise is that we do more damage than good when we don't listen to it. We say our heart says one thing and our mind another so we should listen to the mind as the heart comes from an emotional place so it will always make us soft and squiggly and we will end up making wrong decisions. Have you ever made a decision from your heart? How did it feel? What were the emotions? What if we trained our heart with goodness, nourished it with goodness and worked on purifying it? Would we still listen to it or ignore it? Would we put full trust in Allah that He (swt) will pour goodness into our heart and guide us to goodness or are we going to give into our fears (which come from belief systems - the mind)? We are spiritual beings on a human journey. The heart is part of our spiritualness. Not the physical heart - but the spiritual heart. If we all went for heart examinations and cut open our chest the heart will not show the deep evilness on the surface. That's because that is part of our spiritualness. Just the way we can't see our soul - we can't see the spiritual heart. How does the heart become evil? Well, we are responsible for that. We feed it with constant jealousy, envy, anger, backbitting, slander and the list goes on. Allah (swt) says; 'Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and evil deeds) which they used to earn" (83:14). So what does this mean? The Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “When the believer commits sin, a black spot appears on his heart. If he repents and gives up that sin and seeks forgiveness, his heart will be polished. But if (the sin) increases, (the black spot) increases. That is the raan which Allah mentions in His Book: ‘Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and evil deeds) which they used to earn’ .” Al-Tirmithi The purifying of the heart is a constant and daily journey. I guess you can say it's a bit like eating food daily and drinking water daily. We need this nourishment for our body to function properly. We need to feed our heart daily and cleanse it daily. Some of the basic stuff that we can do - because again this is such a deep topic that its for the scholars to delve into - pray our Salaah daily on time, read Qur'an, listen to tilawah, study the tafsir of the Qur'an - constantly remember Allah - which is also dhikr-Allah. Yes I know its a struggle. I do struggle too and sometimes I think why?! - Especially when everything was going ok - but its because we are human and this life is a test - we have to go through these daily tests. The Prophet (pbuh) said; "In the body there is a morsel of flesh and when it is sound the whole body is sound and when it is corrupt the whole body is corrupt. Verily it is the heart." Bukhari and Muslim So we need to rid it off the jealousy and envy - these two are constant bad companions. They are like best friends! We get jealous and envious of others lives and achievements - even if someone gets married and they are happy, people will have something to say about it! We need to stop corrupting our heart and if we continue then our heart will become black - full of raan and it will become dead - dead to emotions - dead to feelings - you know, cold heartedness? (yup, we've heard that before!). So what now? Here's today's Tips and Action Points: 1. Make a conscious decision and hand your heart over to Allah. Ask Allah (swt) to guide it always and to help you in everything. 2. Start listening to it - listen to your gut - you know 'gut feeling?'. Trust me, you'll have this fluttery feeling in your heart and you'll know. 3. Make a plan to start purifying your heart. Yes this is going to be difficult but we're all in this together and we can do it - with Allah's help we can! If we have a constant feeling/emotion/trait like jealousy - then firstly we need to find out why we have it, recognise it, see the shortcoming on our part and then fix it! When you start making these small but constant changes you'll notice the inner peace within you and you'll notice how you consult your heart more and you'll notice how you're consciously asking Allah to guide you to the answer. Try it! If we fix our relationship with Allah then we won't fear listening to the heart. Maybe we know the answer and we actually understand what the heart is saying but we don't want to listen to it (like don't go to that specific place as there is haraam there but we rebel and do it anyway!). As I always say to all my loved ones; 'Listen to YOUR heart. Hand it over to Allah and ask Him to help you and guide you - because He'll put the answer in your heart!' We need to remember that what will help us on the Day of Judgement is not our worldly successes but a sound heart. As the Prophet (pbuh) said; "Allah does not look towards your bodies nor toward your appearances but looks towards your heart." Muslim Its time for us to fix up our hearts insha'Allah. And listen to your heart - because it KNOWS! :) Success is personal and everyone has their own definition of it. And that's cool. Some would define success as academic achievements, some as moving up the career ladder or promotion, some as being the best parent/child/spouse, some as been able to pray night pray every night and few pages of Qur'an every single day and some would define it as a combination of all. Again, that's cool, because each one of us is different and each one of us has different dreams and hopes and wishes to achieve. All successful people - in whatever they are successful in - have daily routines and habits that they have established. The western personal development gurus swear by them and are always teaching and drilling these routines and habits into their students. Obviously they got it from Islam! :D For instance we are taught by Rasool Allah that he would make the following dua; He said: "O Allah, bless my Ummah in its early hours." The early hours are the best. Praying night prayer in the last third of the night. Then praying Fajr and then reading some Qur'an. Its also one of the best times to read Qur'an as it's witnessed and recorded by the angels. And then follow this with quiet contemplation or in other words dhikr-Allah. Recite some tasbee, focus on the meaning. It will help quieten the mind of useless chatter and help us focus better. There's a reason why many meditate and do yoga in the early hours and that's one of the reasons they can have laser focus and achieve so much! So, we need to develop some positive habits and routines. If you haven't already then master the morning prayer routine and then add your mantras to it. What are these mantras? They are like statements - positive statements - repeated often which get us into a positive mindset and help us focus on the task at hand or our long term goals. What is YOUR mantra? Would you like to succeed and continuously have that energy switch which gets you into top form as and when you need it? Then it's time to create YOUR 'Unique Success Mantra' (if you haven't already). Read it, memorize it and switch into 'Excel-Mode' as and when you need. But before we begin - we need to clear the clutter and have a soulful therapy moment. We need to get rid of the trash from our soul and know that 'things will happen' - yes they will - that's the nature of our lives - even if you're the happiest care-free soul, it doesn't mean you won't be put into compromising situations - even if its not to do with you directly, then a loved one, friends, colleagues - and some being intimate and close relations - how do you deal with their issue(s) successfully, help them through it and then switch back into your own 'Excel Mode', back on track? Its about recognising and appreciating the importance of 'each' moment, which ties into the core of your existence - your life - which is limited and being time-bound, we have to get the best and enough done in the 'time' we have and so that means working on our 'focus'. We need to keep in mind the above and work on a step by step method on regaining our focus. Well, how do we do that? Here's how; a) Appreciating your life as 'Limited, Time-Bound and Precious' b) Your goals and ambitions are all time-bound - we have to achieve them in a specific time. c) What is precious is cared for and looked after (like a small child/animal). So what is precious to you? Is your life precious? d) Know that there is someone who you call on 24/7, 365 days without an appointment and without waiting in a queue and who will help you - who? Allah e) Supplicate (make dua) to Him and ask Him to help you f) Know that you're a means by which Allah wants goodness for your loved one - He put you there to help them - He gives you the strength to help them g) Know that you can only help those who want to be helped - in the end its between them and God h) Be polite, assertive, direct and confident when helping your loved ones - because you need to get back to your work/life/study - and there's only so much you can do for someone i) Always leave them in a happy, positive state - leave them with duas, ayahs and ahaadith - leave them hopeful - and insha'Allah they will soon see the light j) After you've helped them go back to your 'Success Mantra' (which we will create in a minute) and point #a above k) Eat healthy food, fruit, vegs, plenty of water, light exercise daily, walk daily, be in nature, parks, trees, flowers and listen to some Qur'an. Take a tech-break - no phones, tv, net, social media etc l) If the issues are seriously intense - then do the above point #k at least three times (different things from the list insha'Allah to add variety) and read your 'success' mantra again and point #a above again - and you'll soon be back on track and you'll have regained your focus insha'Allah! As I pointed out above we need to fix the issues of our soul first and you know things will creep up but you have to create awareness and be ready to deal with them. "Richness does not lie in the abundance of (worldly) goods but richness is the richness of the soul." Sahih Muslim Book 005: Hadith 2287 So now we have regained our focus - its time to create our success mantra insha'Allah. I'm going to share mine with you. Use it as a template or be inspired to jot your own down. In fact, mine is not even a one word statement or one line sentence. Its a whole paragraph and was inspired by a personal development book I read. Its pretty personal to me as I add the things that apply directly to me so you can add your own and personalise it insha'Allah. Its helped me to create laser focus and to get things done - alhamdulilah. And I read it daily! Bismillah ***From this moment on I will do what I need to do in order to excel in my deen, my ibaadah, my spirituality, my studies, my work, my businesses, my health, my wealth, my relationships and my life! I will operate in '150% EXCEL MODE turBo flow' from now on in every aspect of my life and be the best. I'm tired of being second best. I will Excel. I choose to be Extremely Successful insha'Allah, ameen!*** :) So, there you have it. My success mantra. By the way success is allowed in Islam - its how we deal with it and how we use it. Remember we have 'One Life and One Chance' to do all the good and right things and we should all have that 'One Vision' - Jannah al-Firdaus and to get there we have to pass the tests from this life. And Allah (swt) grants success to whom He wills - this world and the next! "Whoever works righteousness - whether male or female - while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)" [al-Nahl 16:97] Ready to write YOUR 'Success Mantra?' Just before you create yours and read it I want you to do a quick exercise. This involves you getting into a peak state. Think of a time when you were really happy with your achievement (whatever it is). I want you to feel that moment throughout your body. I want you to smell all the smells associated with it. What things were going through your mind at that time? What were you feeling? Feel it. Use all your five senses. Increase the feeling. Make it very bright and visual. Make it into 3D. And when you're at that peak state (or a halaal happy high) write your mantra and start repeating it. Say Bismillah and just go do it! Hope that helped y'all! :) Leave a comment below to inspire all our WBI'ers and email me if you need help with writing your success mantra or to go through those steps to trash that junk insha'Allah! Today's post is a reflection post. I'm sure you'll be able to relate to it. It comes after, well, a lot of reflection... It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from, its like we all have to go through this in our life. Once, twice, thrice...until we get the message, learn the lesson and move on. Its like, you set out to do good and spread good, but there is always someone who will shake a pointy finger at you and say; 'Well, that's just not good enough!' Or; 'You're wrong!' You know, it could have even started very young. At school maybe? Your teacher didn't like your drawing when you were in reception class age 4/5. You thought you were Picasso creating a masterpiece with your house and four windows, a door in the middle, a pathway leading to the front gates, a tree and a cat - but she clearly thought otherwise! (And no, that didn't happen to me and yes I did draw that drawing and admit it, so did you!). It could have happened in later life. Your parents, siblings, friends pointing that pointy finger, rolling their eyes and choruses of; 'You just can't ever get it right can you?!' Ever had that happen to you? Like over and over and... *Ouch* Its like a punch in the face and instant knock out. You're trying to get up and recover and there goes the bell for round two! *Double ouch!* Why do we allow ourselves to get hurt this way? In fact, why do we do things to always please others or get approval? Why??? Its a proven psychological fact (you can google it) that humans have six basic needs. This theory was proposed by Maslow in 1943 in his paper; 'A Theory of Human Motivation'. In later years Tony Robbins (one of the Gurus of Personal Development and from whom yours truly is heavily inspired, motivated and influenced by) came up with his own six basic needs. Both Maslow and Robbins state that one of these needs is love/connection/belonging and another is significance (Robbins). We want to be and feel loved. We want to be and feel connected. We want to belong (either to immediate loved ones or in larger social groups - social acceptance). We want to be and feel significant. These are almost like our survival tools and to an extent a healthy dose of each is required for the healthy and holistic development of a human being. However, what can happen is that we get to a stage in life where we are always looking for approval and doing things to get attention so we feel significant - important - worthy. This may even lead us sometimes to do or act in unhealthy or immoral ways. Just so we get that approval. If you've ever been through any of that then know that its ok because what you were doing was being human (by the way I don't condone immorality). All humans do this! But the correct way would be if parents/teachers/guardians gave children the correct form of encouragement and support at an early age - even through our failures then we wouldn't be so messed up today. *Eureka Moment!* That's why I said at the beginning - we've ALL been through it. Because it started young and was embedded in us (usually around age 6) and we started to look for acceptance and feel low and sad if discouraged, it stayed with us. Its in our subconscious. It might even be eating you up right now! *Is it?* So even if your friends or family do this to you then realise that even they have been through it. Its like a sad, vicious, psychological cycle! *Yuk!* But it's time to break FREE - when? NOW! Allah (swt) has sent down a book of guidance. In it are treasures that even if Captain Hook knew about them then he would go out in search for them (and be one of the good guys)! This book - the Qur'an - is a guidance for mankind and therein lie all the answers. Do YOU want to stop this 'pleasing everyone' and looking for acceptance and feeling significant (beyond what is required as a basic need?) Then for YOU the Qur'an has a message... Ready? Bismillah... "Say: "Verily, my Salah (Prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of ALL that exists''. [Qur'an (6:162)] That's it! That's the one! Read it again, re-read it, re-read it again and now STOP - sit back, take 5 and reflect. I'll be right here when you come back - after 5 - we need to finish this post... Back? Cool! Ok, so yes, that's a verse which we need to memorise and truly reflect upon insha'Allah. What does it really mean? Simply this - that all that we do is for the sake of Allah - we live for Him and die for Him - only! And before you say; 'That's easy said than done!' - Well, yes, I know! This is life, it's not meant to be easy. That's not how lessons are learnt! If we give ourselves a chance and really apply this verse to our lives then almost all our worries will vanish. This is not to say that if you're at work you don't do what's in the job description or with a loved one you don't give them time etc - that's just silly. We have our worldly things to do and our worship to do. We have to balance it all. But if we understand this verse then the burden can be lifted and we can break free from these shackles. These shackles that weigh us down because we do stuff just to get approval and feel significant. And in the process are always unhappy, low, sad and have low self-esteem/confidence. Our purpose of creation is not to spend our days pleasing others or scheming of ways to gain approval. That's a waste of time and life and both are precious. Stop doing unnecessary things for approval! If they don't approve of you just the way you are then they never will! And if they laugh and hate then its on them - they have issues that they need fixing. The issue is not with you but them. And if you laugh or hate or treat others as though they always need your approval then stop and fix up as the issue is with you! If all of us could just take responsibility for our own actions and start fixing our broken hearts and healing our torn souls then we can start to be ok. We can't change anyone else's behaviour or actions but we can only change our reactions. Action Point & Tips: 1. What positive changes can you start making in your own lives? 2. How will you help younger souls (children/siblings/nieces/nephews) on this path to pleasing Allah alone (using the verse as an example)? 3. How will you react if you feel the need to please someone or seek their approval for your existence. Don't just read this post and be inspired by it only but get motivated to take action insha'Allah. Want to see change? Then be the change! Today! "Say: "Verily, my Salah (Prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of ALL that exists''. [Qur'an (6:162)] |
AuthorNadia Leona Yunis Archive
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